Steve asked me for help writing a bio. He knows me and has read bio's I've written for others so he must have expected jokes in return but I still feel like he might not use much of what I've written here so I thought I would publish it elsewhere so others can bask in my funniness. The last one is basically what he sent me expect with a joke added at the beginning. Well...I had fun doing it.

Option 1: "Steven J. Thompson is a steel driving man. A poor mountaineer who keeps his family fed. With words. When he isn't working hard, he is writing poetry. He doesn't have to work hard to do that, he just smokes a joint, grabs a pen and lets the words flow. That's what poets do. Steven is one of the founding members of Tongues of Fire, a local bi-monthly spoken word event in Victoria, B.C. where he resides with his beautiful wife and strange looking dog. A two time member of the Victoria Slam team, he will be taking a break this year to act as festival director for the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word. But enough about Steve, what are you up to later? Care for a drink?"

Options 2: "Stephen J. Thompson started his illustrious spoken word career at the age of ten months with his first piece aptly titled"mama goo goo." He quickly developed a large following within close family and friends who would gather around to see Steven perform, often in the nude. Since then Steven has gone on to perform naked poetry in front of much larger crowds, as well as co-founding Tongues of Fire, a bi-weekly spoken word event in Victoria, B.C. and competing nationally as a member of the Victoria Slam Team. This year Steve takes a break from the competition to act as director for the Canadian Festival of Spoken Word. Rumors of Steven's alleged sexual relationship with Stephen Harper have been greatly exaggerated."

Option 3: "Steven J. Thompson has a knack for arranging letters in such a manner that when spoken in combination sound very much like poetry. So much so that he has represented Victoria at the Canadian Slam Nationals not once, but twice. This year he will be organizing the festival as acting director. When not organizing festivals, Steve can be found at Tongues of Fire, a bi-weekly Spoken Word event which he co-founded. When not performing, organizing festivals or founding poetry collectives he rides the rails, better known as 'Boxcar" J. Thompson: the gentleman's hobo.' "

Option 4: "Stephen J. Thompson is probably best known for having his ass broadcast on local cable while reading poetry. His next most impressive accomplishment would be writing this bio. Himself. No help at all. Certainly no use of a talented and large-breasted ghost writer. After that, in order, I would say...two time member of the Victoria National poetry slam team, Co-founder of Tongues of Fire poetry collective, director of the 2009 Canadian Festival of Spoken Word, took part in the 2007 CBC Poetry Face-Off, articles have appeared in Monday Magazine and 11th Transmission. Cull what you need to starting from least significant."